Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
