Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
