And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
