she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
