Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize