hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
