I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize