You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
