i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
