Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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