You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
