My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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