My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
