You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
