I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize