did you get engaged???
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
