after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
