I'm going to jail i love you
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
