I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize