He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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