there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize