On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
