You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
