I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
