I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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