He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
