some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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