Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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