I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
