so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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