I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
