Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
