i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
