His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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