dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
