Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize