No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize