3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
