sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
