**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
