i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
