do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
