her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
