new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
