I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
