Will you blow on my dice?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
