Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
