I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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