Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
