Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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