no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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