Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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