im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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