haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My cat gives me a boner
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
