Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize