Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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