I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
