just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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