my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
