She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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