Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
