Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
