does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just invented taco cereal.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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