Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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