NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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