Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
