When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How external is "for external use only"?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
