If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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