burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
