I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
